Recovery
by jioni2
Summary: She was like an alcoholic. Slowly trying to stop sneaking Vodka into her rehab sessions...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games**

**Chapter One**

''... _and slightly damaged. Mentally, Physically, and emotionally...''_

_" Do you think she'll ever recover?''_

_" Not likely...''_

When she heard _physically _damaged, that's when she knew that she wasn't hearing things. Physically damaged. Haven't heard that one in awhile. It's always been _mentally._ _Mentally unstable... mentally incompetent..._

It was driving her insane.

But, in a way, she liked the isolation she recieved from the doctors and nurses and even her own visitors. It gave her time to think about whether or not she just end her life right here, right now. Maybe use the straps on her hospital gown to tie a noose or better yet, just die right now in this cold, windowless, dark room.

No one would miss a crazy girl. Compared to her, Annie Cresta was perfectly sane. She... she was a _Mad Hatter._ She blacked out, never slept, and worst of all, couldn't remember who she was or what was going on.

_My name is... My name is...My name is...\_

It was an endless mantra that repeated itself in her non-comprehending mind. It gave her wave after wave of headaches. It was worse than any pain she could imagine.

But worst of all were the visitors. her '' friends'' they would call themselves. She didn't know who they were but yet, they continued to call her some ridiculous name she could never remember. But she remembered their faces. A dark haired boy with grey eyes like her and full lips. A small pretty girl with blonde hair always in two fine pigtails. A tall, bony looking woman that looked like an older more beaten down version of the blonde girl. And most hauntingly, a tall handsome boy with blonde hair and tan skin and sea green eyes that always seemed to shine. She felt as if she knew him the most. Maybe it was his alluring voice and the small hint of a smile that showed up when he told a joke.

She couldn't place her finger on it.

And then one day, while she was staring blankly up at the ceilling, that small blonde girl came in, the beaten down lady behind her. She was wearing a nursing outfit that looked too big for her.

Katniss just laid there, staring at the sky.

The little girl coughed. " Hi, Katniss.''

_Katniss..._That was the name her visitors would always call her. It floated around in her head. So familiar...

" So, I... Uh... brought you a present.'' The little blonde girl walked swiftly up to Katniss's bedsid, a tiny parcel clutched in her small hands. She carefully unwrapped the emerald green wrapping paper and took out a golden pin. A bird.

It was shiny and probably the most beutiful thing she had ever seen in the world. The bird seemed to be flying, soaring off into distant lands. Katniss gazed at it and gently took it in her cold hands. The little girl smiled and firmly placed it into her icy fingertips.

'' You can have it. It's yours,'' she whispered.

A feeling, something nice and warm spread through Katniss. Happiness. That feeling was happiness.

She wanted to thank this little girl. But she didn't know if she could speak. The blonde child gave Katniss a small peck on the forehead. " My name is Primrose, by the way. Primrose Everdeen.''

She had a beautiful voice.

She stayed there for a few minutes, watching Katniss pin the small bird on her hospital gown, then nodded curtly and left with her mother. Leaving Katniss alone.

Again

* * *

_" ...Patient number 118...''_

_" Name?''_

_" Katniss Narcissa Everdeen..''_

_" Reason for admission?''_

_" Suffering from severe depression, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and second degree burns...''_

_'' Chance of recovery from PTD and Depression?''_

_" Zero percent...''_

They were saying she was damged beyond repair. A chemical change. A corpse. And they were probably right.

At least she knew her own name.

_My name is Katniss Narcissa Everdeen. I am damaged beyond repair. I have PTD and severe depression along with second degree burns..._

The doctors couldn't help but wonder why she hadn't attempted suicide. Some anticipated it. But that was because they didn't know about the bird.

That small, golden trinket she had pinned perfectly just below her collar. It added a little flicker of light to the room. she spent hours running her hands ove it and slowly, it helped her recover a bit of her sanity. It kept her grounded and let her know that she had something to live for. That bird.

It told her something. It told her she had to fight. Always. And she felt as if it was reminding her of something. She couldn't place her finger on it.

Gradually, she started getting better. With that bird right by her side, she felt herself start to heal and she forced herself to pick up the pieces and fragments that created her. When nurses brought in food, she made sure to finish her meals. When the doctors came, she made sure to follow their directions. She was getting better.

She talked more. Her visitors would ask her questions and she would try to answer as best as she could.

That dark haired boy- Gale, she learned was his name- came to talk to her last night. He had sat there, sitting comfortably in his chair. They didn't talk much, but occasionally, he would tell a funny joke and she would let out a genuine laugh and smile.

And then there was that blonde boy with the sea green eyes came to visit. She liked him. Maybe it was his positive attitude. Or the way the right side of his mouth would curl up when she smiled. Or was it his voice that was smooth and seemed to draw her in more and more.

He talked perfectly. His chiseled jaw would move with his mouth and he always animated his face in the funniest of ways.

" ... And then, I speared the shark. Thing didn't stand a chance against Finnick The Great...''

Katniss loved his stories. She loved Finnick's stories more than anything else.

" Where are you from, Finnick,'' she asked quietly as she played with her pin. He grinned and plopped down next to her on her hospital bed.

He looked up at the ceilling and she followed his gaze. He took her index finger and made invisible swirls in the air. " A place where there is water as far as you can see...''

she couldn't imagine anywhere better...

* * *

On her third day of recovery, she counted the names she knew of all her visitors.

First, there was Primrose Everdeen, the girl with the same last name as her and the beautiful voice. Katniss liked her. She was the one that gave her the pin with the bird on it.

Then, there was Gale, the dark haired boy the had the full lips and her same grey eyes. He was a joker and he always seemed to find a way to make her laugh. He was also one of the best looking boys she had ever seen.

Finally, there was Finnick. Finnick O'dair. She liked him the most. He told stories that made Katniss think the world was perfect. She always perked up at a chance to see him. He made her _feel_ something. Even if it was barely noticeable.

She started to learn more about herslef. The doctors would come in and run test pn her. She sneaked glances at her file and recorded the words in her healing mind.

_My name is Katniss Narcissa Everdeen. I am seventeen and a half years old. I weigh one-hundred and twelve pounds. I am in a hospital. I am slowly healing..._

She likes her name. Katniss Narcissa Everdeen. She like the way the syllables float of her tongue and the unique-ness of it. She'll have to thank whoever named her that.

Primrose comes o visit her one day, and Katniss wonders if she has more gifts to give. Primrose only has air clutched in her small hands.

" Why did you give me the pin,'' Katniss asked. She was always curious as to why, this small girl gave her something that could've have kept herself in bread for weeks.

Prim tugs on the ends of her pigtails and smiles a little. " It's a Mockingjay. I was hoping it would give you something to smile about.'' She hastily adds on,'' Because you've been here so long.''

For the first time during her stay, Katniss says thank you.

Finnick comes by. Katniss and him laugh alot, telling stories, talking, singing horribly. She can't help but notice the way he smiles around her more nowadays. The way he holds her hand more and listens to her speak more.

She's confused.

Gale is her last visitor for the week. He tells alot of jokes, too. But he also acts like Finnick. Holding her hand, trying to get her to talk more. She feels as if she knows why he is doing it. Confused about Finnick, but sure about Gale. But she just can't name why he is doing it.

She's even more confused.

* * *

They let her leave on the fourth day of her recovery.

People surround and hug and kiss her. They pat her on the bag and hooray when they see her smile. She doesn't know half of them, but feels good having fresh faces cloud her sight. She can see Prim and Gale and Finnick in the background, smiling.

Everything is fine until a boy with shaggy blonde hair and blue eyes stalks up to her. She bravely walks towards him and tilts her head sideways with a smile on her face. She reaches out a hand. " Hi, I'm katniss.''

He reaches for her hand and for a moment, it seems as if he is going to shake her hand. But then, his long fingers reach up to her hospital gowns collar...

And closes them around her throat.

**...**

Peeta, that's his name. In the split second that he attempts to choke her, she remembers everything. Her thoughts come crashing back to her in a painful blast.

_My name is Katniss Narcissa Everdeen. Peeta, my '' boyfriend '' tried to choke me. I am in District 13. Gale Hawthorne is my best friend. he is in love with me. Primrose Everdeen is my sister. I hit my head in District 8 and got amnesia..._

She remembered _everything._

People pry Peeta off of her and she can hear people yelling, '' Get _her _out of here! Get her out!''

She's momentarily stunned at her '' boyfriend's '' attempt to choke her. Peeta loved her for real, right. She wasn't sure about returning his feelings, but he loved her. But why, then, did he try to kill her.

Stunned turns to shocked then just downright hurt. She had been recovering. She only had one more piece to go. She could have been fixed. But then Peeta had to strangle her and now she's broken again. Probably forever.

She refuses medical treatment, even if her throat is hurting like hell. They try to force her on the stretcher and she kciks and screams like mad. She won't go back into another hospital as long as she lives. They finally give up and throw her a bottle of pain killers, hoping she'll just overdose and they won't have to deal with her anymore.

They knock Peeta out with some crazy drug and haul him off on a stretcher. She watches as he twitches uncontrollably screaming foul things like " She is a _mutt!_'' and " She needs to _die._'' then finally goes still.

Maybe he's dead

She knows she wants to be.

Gale comes over and gently takes her hand in his warm ones. He twirls a lock of her dark hair.

" He wants me dead,'' she muttered to herself. " He called me a mutt...''

'' Shh... It's okay...'' Gale attmpts to comfort her but she shrugs him off.

" Just leave,'' she said miserably. " I need to be by myself...''

Gale tries to grab her hand again but she snatches it away and looks down, frowning.'' I said _go_...''

And he reluctantly leaves her there to wallow in self pity.

**Author's Note: Well, there you are! Chapter One. I really hope ou guys liked it. By the way, I know half of you are expecting Finnick and Katniss to fall in love instantly, but Katniss is an emotinal wreck right now and since Peeta just tried to murder her the last thing on her mind is love. And also, she's now very depressed again and just started getting her memory back so she's very frustrated. Well, until next time, goodbye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games**

**Chapter Two**

_" Katniss... Katniss.. Katniss...''_

It's a soft and light voice with just the right amount of love and caring that has been absent in her life for so many long years. Maybe her mother talked to her like that, but she literally dropped her from her life for awhile after she had watched Prim and her turn to skin and bones.

" Katniss.'' There's the feeling of someone shaking her awake. She groans a bit and opens her eyes a bit. It's a familiar face. Pink cheeks, blonde hair. Blue eyes...

" Hi, Prim,'' she says tiredyly. She reaches up and tugs on the girl's loose blond hair. She's been doing that alot lately.

Prim kneels down a bit so her and Katniss are at eye level. She gently places the back of her hand on Katniss's cheek and smiles just the tiniest smile she can manage. " You should go back to sleep. You've had a really rough night-.''

Katniss springs up and immediately regrets it becasue she feels light-headed and she notices the painful pounding against her skull. Despite the feeling of having been drinking all night, she twist her lips into a smile. " No. I feel great.''

Prim frowns slightly. " Are you sure? You can stay in bed if you want. I mean, with everything that's happened we wouldn't be surprised if...'' Prim pauses for a moment as if waiting for Katniss's answer.

There's an airy feeling of tension between them. That, and the fact the Prm's gripping Katniss's arm so hard the blood flow has been completely cut off. Katniss chooses this is the time to speak. " What? You mean Peeta trying to strangle me? I'm... completely okay. I'm sure it was just a big misunderstanding,'' she says, but she's sure she's only saying this for her sake. No ones _fine _after their boyfriend just tried to strangle them. In fact, she's scarred for life by it.

" I know you're only saying that because you don't want to talk about, Katniss,'' Prim says, her grip on Katniss's arm loosening a bit.

" Actually, I'm saying that so I won't go off the deep end,'' Katniss grumbles. She looks up and sees that Prim's eyebrows are scrunched together with worry. " What? I'm kidding.''

Prim bites her lips and gently starts pushing Katniss back down on the mattress. " I still think you should lie down. You need rest.''

Katniss springs back up a little to quickly and her and Prim's skulls bang into eachother. " Ow.''

" I'm hungry,'' Katniss says suddenly, making up an excuse to get out of her room.

Prim laughs slightly. " Then I'll bring you up breakfast.''

Katniss grabs Prim's hand. " I have to use the bathroom.''

Prim points to the grey door by the closet. " Bathroom's right there.''

" I-.''

" Katniss!''

Katniss sinks lower into her pillow and starts playing with her hair. " Sorry.''

Prim lets go of Katniss's hand and plants a small kiss on her cheek. " I'll come by later, okay?''

Katniss manages out a '' fine'' and watches as Prim walks towards the door. It's not until she begins to tug on her nightgown does she realize that soemthings missing on her collar.

Her pin.

" Prim, wait!'' she calls out. " I- I lost something.''

Prim smiles. " I'll try to find your clothes later-.''

" No! It's not my clothes. My pin. The one you gave me in the hospital. It's not on my collar. I have to go look for it.''

Prim unconfortably shifts in her position. " I can-.''

" Come on, Prim. To the hospital ward and back. That's it.'' Katniss is pleading now.

Prim's composure breaks and she sighs. " Okay, fine. But that's it. No side trips. No cafeteria. No woods. Hospital and back, ok?''

Katniss smiles a bit to brightly when she says, '' Okay.''

The hallways are deserted and the lights are dimmed a bit. Katniss can't help but imagine what people make of the entire Strangled by Peeta thing.

She hopes they didn't kill him.

" Hey, Prim-,'' Katniss collides with something hard and lands on flat on the floor. " Oof!''

" Sorry, Katniss.''

She recognizes the voice and smiles a bit when she see the face. " Finnick..''

He's not the old Finnick she saw in the hospital or at the Quarter Quell. No. This Finnick has a sullen expression on his face and he's ghostly pale. He looks like he's lost about five pounds, too.

" You look... different,'' she blurts out and immediately regrets it becasue he's probably been getting comments like that all day. She hastily adds,'' Not in a bad way, though.''

He smiles slightly and she notices just how dry and cracked his lips are. " You too. The bruises are starting to heal"

He points towards her neck and she remembers that's where Peeta had wrapped his hands around. Her throat. " Um... thanks!'' She puts on a smile. " They're not sore anymore, either.''

She notices the way that his eyes have lost there color and the way they're now a dull green color, the black irises barely visible. His hands have a slight red tinge to them and she resist the urge to ask what happened to them.

" Katniss!'' Prim pulls her up. Katniss didn't think the girl was that strong. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Oh my God!''

Finnick chuckles a bit and pats Primrose on the back. " She's fine, Prim. I just bumped into her, that's all.''

" I bumped into you actually,'' Katniss says under her breath but no one really notices.

" Where are you two headed anyway?'' Finnick asks.

Prim shrugs. " Katniss lost her pin. We're headed to the hospital ward to look for it there. You could come help if you want...'' Prim drifts off as if something important catches her attention and walks off, leaving Katniss and Finnick alone.

" It's nice to see you've gotten... better,'' Finnick says, taking in Katniss's face. " I mean, last time I saw you, you were-.''

" Suicidal? Depressed? Anti- social?'' Katniss forces her lips into a tight smile, trying to make a joke out of her not-that-okay mental state. " Yeah. I've been getting that alot lately.''

That's technically a lie since she hasn't seen anyone but Prim and her mother for the past few days, but Finnick gives her a small smile and pats her on the back.

" It's true, though. You looked so _dead _in that hospital bed. Took a few rises of your chest to let me know you were still with us,'' Finnick says with a half-hearted chuckle.

Katniss uncomfortably rubs her arm and lets out an uneasy laugh. " Ha ha! Yeah, I was a total wreck back then, wasn't I?''

Finnick bites his bottom lip and runs his fingers through his bronze- colored hair. " Total wreck. A train accident resulting in thousands of tragedies-'' Finnick looks at the expression on Katniss's face and stops. " I mean... Yes.''

" Katniss! Katniss lets go!'' Prim's voice fills the uncomfortable silence and Katniss thanks God for it.

" I better get going. Prim has me on a really tight lease today.'' Katniss smiles a bit. " Nice seeing you again, Finnick.''

" You too, Katniss.'' Just as he sees her walking off, he reaches into his pant's pocket and calls out her name. " Katniss!''

She turns her head back in his direction. He flips her a small golden token and gives her a lopsided grin. " Thought you might want that back.''

Katniss turns it over and over in her hands and lets out a sigh. " My pin. Where-.''

'' When you left, we cleared out your room. It got mixed in with your clothes.''

Katniss smiles and tucks it safely in her pocket. " Thanks alot, Finnick. I owe you one.''

Finnick shakes his head and presses a finger to his lips. " S'okay. But-,'' he points at Prim. " You might not want to tell blondie over there. I think you deserve a little fresh... well, air.''

" Yeah, your right. I'll um catch you later?'' Katniss watches as Finnick slowly backs away as he nods his head and quickly disappears down the opposite direction.

She wonders where he's going...

* * *

" I'm really sorry we didn't find your pin, Katniss,'' Prim says sadly as the walk down the empty corridors. " I was really hoping it had wound up in your clothes or something.''

Katniss dipped a finger into her pocket and felt the small Mockingjay's cool surface on her finger. She smiled and kissed Prim on the cheek. " Oh! No way! It's fine, Prim. I mean, we'll find it. I bet we will.''

Prim grinned a bit and looked up at the ceiling. " You really think so?''

Katniss pulled her in for a hug and kissed the top of her forehead. " I know so.''

They turned a corner and Prim let out a sigh and looked up at a clock on a nearby wall. " Lunchtime. You must be starving, Katniss...''

Katniss became aware of the painful gnawing in her stomach and nearly punched herself in the gut when her stomach made a low growling sound. Despite suffering from starvation, she pulled down her shirt even lower and laughed at Prim. " Of course, I'm not hungry. I've never been as full in my life. In fact-.''

Prim gripped Katniss's arm and looked into her eyes. " We can get something to eat if you want. I mean, Lunch starts in one-minute. There's still time to get to the cafeteria before it ends.''

Katniss slipped her arm out of Prim's grasp and put her hands in her pocket. " I'm fine. Besides, you look like you need wayyy more to eat than me.'' She jerked her head in the direction of the cafeteria. " Go. I can find our room by myself.''

" Katniss, I-.''

Katniss pushed Prim in the opposite direction, shaking her head and smiling. " I'm a big girl now, Prim. I can take care of myself. Go eat. I'll be fine.''

Prim had an uneasy expression on her face when she said,'' I don't know...''

Katniss pushed her. " Leave Primrose. I'll be fine...'' she cooed softly, desperate for some alone time.

Prim blinked and her body turned stiff. Then she relaxed a bit and sighed. " You sure you know where the room is?'' Katniss noded and Prim slowly turned around. " Get some sleep, sis,'' and then disappeared down the hall.

As soon as she was out of sight, Katniss ran down the hall, sprinting and jumping over air. She doesn't really care about where she is going. A long as she can be by herself-.

_God! Please tell me that I hit a wall..._

But she didn't. Instead, it's Haymitch. Good old drunken Haymitchen who was slinging the bottle of spirits in his hand back and forth, wasting it all over himself and his clothing. She wondered who gave him alcohol.

He's a mess. His clothing was tattered and his finger nails were caked with dirt. He leaned lazily against the wall, not being able to properly hold himself up. Katniss notices how swollen and puffy his face is and the way his eyes are ringed red, as if he had been crying...

" Well hello, sweetheart...'' he slurred loudly, not caring who'd hear. He runs his dirty thumb over Katniss's cheek softly and she jerks back violently, pushing him off of her and making him fall on his back. He cackeled loudly and spit out loads of alcohol doing so. " Someone needs a good drink.''

Katniss sneered and kneeled down on her knee. " I don't want anything that you drink,'' she said. Haymitch thought about her answer for some unknown reason and then slaps her across the face, sending her flying and leaving a burning pain on her cheek. She stared in disbelief before kicking Haymitch hard in his side. He let out a loud laugh.

" You should join me, sugar,'' he told her. " Alcohol does wonders. Makes you forget things blisfully.''

She was going to protest once more but though before she answered. _Makes you forget things blissfully. I want to forget things blissfully.._

She wanted to forget about Peeta.

" You have more?'' She asked, wondering if Haymitch had alcohol that strong in his bunker. He nodded, a frown playing on his face.

" You would join me?'' She shrugged and Haymitch laughed again, harder than before, a few tears streaming down his hollow cheeks. " Lets go then, Katniss.''

It was the first time he ever said her name, she noticed.

Haymitch leads her down numbers of winding hallways to his door. Nobody sees them thankfully and Haymitch is able to lead her into his room.

Beer bottles are sprawled onto the floor. That's all. A few trousers and shirts but that's it. Way cleaner than his home in Victor's Village. Katniss looks to Haymitch and huffs.'' Where is it? The spirits?'' She asked impatiently. She was always important. Haymitch points to a dresser and Katniss quickly darts over, snatching the first bottle she sees of the wooden furniture and shoving the bottle down her throat. She stops when she feels as if her throat is on fire.

" Easy there,'' Haymitch snickered, grabbing a bottle of his own and swallowing it all in a few seconds. " Don't want to get to... drunk.''

Katniss ignores him and drinks the rest, the burning in her throat becoming gradually less repulsive as she finished the rest of the bottles. She feels her head spinning and her vision blurring, barely able to make out a even drunker Haymitch, who's sitting lazily on the floor now, absent to the world.

_This is what being drunk feels like?_ She frowns. She's been drunk before. But not this drunk. _Maybe I'll just down one more bottle then leave.._

She grabs another bottle off the dresser and gulps it down, ignoring the vile taste that invades her mouth. She feels dizzy, wobbling every few seconds. She feels extremely hot but ignores the feeling of sickness that is starting to overwhelm her. Besides, she is starting to forget things.

_My name is... um_

_...Tried to...me_

_Do I have a sister?_

She likes this feeling.

After her fourth bottle, she's hotter than ever, so she begins to strip. Haymitch has drunk himself to the brink of unconsiousness and is unaware that there is a seventeen-year old girl stripping in his room. Her pants go first and then her top. Then her tank so now she is in nothing but her bra and underwear.

As she wobbles to the bed, she falls and lands on her stomach on the floor, too weak to get up. Her sixth bottle of spirits is still in her hand and she downs it quicker than Haymitch did his. She suddenly finds herself crying for no reason.

Besides, she's so wasted, she doesn't even know what color red is.

Maybe she'll become an alcoholic like Haymitch. Screw this entire " Mockingjay " thing. She''ll just live with her bottles of alcohol. And what " Mockingjay" thing.

She blacks out before she can ponder it more.


End file.
